Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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