i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
