think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
