ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
