My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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