We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
