but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
