dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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