i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
