Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
