Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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