what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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