the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This baby is an asshole
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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