Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dick very happy bro
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
