Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
