So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
