The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
