Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize