its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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