i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
