i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
