we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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