1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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