Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
