if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
