When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
