i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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