An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need water and some morals
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
