I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You may now shotgun with the bride
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
