I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
