Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My pussy is not your playground.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
