is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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