i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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