I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
