Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
