He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
