my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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