I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
