I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
