so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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