Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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