I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
