Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
