Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
