Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
