i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
