He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How does it feel to date your dad?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
