apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
