she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm passing your future prison.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
