She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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