I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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